


Born in the wrong body

by FloraViolin



Category: Gay - Fandom, Harry Styles - Fandom, LGBT - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:10:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloraViolin/pseuds/FloraViolin





	1. Chapter 1

The Mirror  
His worst enemy  
The reflection showed him  
someone else.  
Someone he didn't knew.  
It showed the person  
everyone else saw.  
If people would just understand  
that the person in the mirror  
wasn't him.  
That it wasn't the person who stood infront of it  
that it showed  
People could see the outside  
But they would never be able  
to see the inside  
The outside always smiled  
But the inside always screamed.  
And nobody could hear  
because they couldn't see.  
The mirror showed a girl  
But the person who stood infront of it  
was a Boy


	2. Chapter 1

The Mirror  
His worst enemy  
The reflection showed him  
someone else.  
Someone he didn't knew.  
It showed the person  
everyone else saw.  
If people would just understand  
that the person in the mirror  
wasn't him.  
That it wasn't the person who stood infront of it  
that it showed  
People could see the outside  
But they would never be able  
to see the inside  
The outside always smiled  
But the inside always screamed.  
And nobody could hear  
because they couldn't see.  
The mirror showed a girl  
But the person who stood infront of it  
was a Boy

 

He stood infron of the mirror, naked. He looked at himself. He just stood there and looked. He hated what he saw and he was so near to start crying. This wasn't him, this was someone else. His body was someones he didn't knew, and he had so many times tried to make it his. But it was imposible, or at least in the way he had tried - ignore, realy tried to be the person he was born to, try to live in denial and listen to others. Just - wish that he one day would woke up and know exactly who he was and that all his problems would be gone. But it had never happend - you know, fases comes and then disapear. But this wasn't just a fase - this was more serious. This had been there since he was 3 years old. He had knew all the time, but it wasn't until now he knew for sure.  
He was born in the wrong body, he was born as a girl but he knew he wasn't a girl at all. He was a boy, and he had always been.   
He never had the courage to tell anyone. He was too afraid for what they would say. They would probably be angry, say that he should stop pretending and be a girl that he was born to. Or they would just ignore it, say he just "experiment" and that he just needed some days and then it would be gone. Or worst of all - that they would leave him all alone and never wanna talk to him again. Expecially his family.  
If only they knew. If only they knew that he always had known. He wish it was easiter - but it wasn't.  
And he was after all just 16, so he couldn't do anything yet to correct it - correct his body to the right gender he was born to be. The gender he was inside and even started to be outside.   
He had started to wear more "boy-clothes", and he had cut his long curly hair short. It had done a lot for him, because now when he looked quickly in the mirror he could see HIM, not HER.   
But then again, he often stood infront of the mirror and realized that he wasn't a HE at all.   
Now he stood there again, infront of the mirror. He had started to cry, bc he hated his body.  
It was so wrong, and he just wanted to change it now.   
But he couldn't.  
After a while he took some big clothes and puted them on. So he wouldn't see it anymore.   
He tried to dry his tears away but it was hard. He still cried and he didn't knew when it would end.  
Suddenly someone knocked on his door. He quickly dried his tears and lay on the bed and pretended to read a book.  
\- Hannah, the dinner is ready. Come now.  
\- Okey, he said quickly and waited until his mother had closet the door.  
Hannah...He hated that name. It wasn't him!  
Harry woke up the next morning, weat from sweat and tears. He had a nightmare again. This time his mother had found out his true identity and she had throw him out from the house and said that he never should come back and she didn't wanted to see him again. And his sister,Gemma, had stood next to their mom and looked angry at him. As she was disapointed on him, that he had "choose" to be someone he wasn't.  
He tried to dry his tears away and he got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He took a long shower. Even if he hated the shower because he then could realy see and feel his body even more, he could close his eyes and dream away from the reality for a short time. And that was something he realy liked. But the again, when he walked out of the shower he had to look at his body again, and dry it with a towel wich was worse than but on showersoap. When he was clean and dry he took a new t-shirt and got back to bed again.The clock was 8AM but his mother wouldn't be knocking on his door until 9, so he had some more time to lay down and try to focus and calm down. He had a realy long and hard day infront of him.  
He had desided to try to audition to a sing-competition. It was X-factor and he realy wanted to be a singer. He had wanted it since he was young. He always stood infron of his mirror or infront of all his family and sang song after song and he loved every second. He realy had that good voice and his mother had said to him to give an audition a try. And he had agreed directly but now he realy felt that enormous nervosity for it.   
But the most of it was that he wanted to audition as a boy, not a girl. But at the moment he didn't had a choice. He had planned to tell his family about it before he auditoned but it never had happend and now it was too late. He didn't wanted that to destroy everything right now.  
But first he had to que for a long time, a lot of hours, and then he had to go through the jury. That was the scarry part.  
And he tried to tell himself that he had to say his real name, not Harry. He had got used to it himself, but no one knew so it would be so embarrasing if he said the wrong name.  
He had trained his voice, he had seen tutorials on youtube how to do it on your own. He had realy got it now, and he liked it. But he tried to not use it when his mother was there, or his sister, or anyone else.   
It was a role, when he act he was she - when he didn't he was he.  
He woke up from his thoughts when his mother came in to the room. She looked at him, she looked so proud. If only she knew.  
It was time to leave, he was so nervouse about everything. One part inside him didn't want this because it was too scarry. The other part realy said to him that this would change his life forever.  
But was it worth it?  
He got up and got dressed. He ate a quick breakfast and then it was time to leave.  
He was quiet the whole time they drove to the arena where the song-contest was. He walked out of the car and looked around. It was so many people there, maybe thousends or more. He realy felt that he was so nervous now, more than before. This was the second scarry part. The most scarry was singing infron of the judges.   
He took a deep breath and walked forward to the que. He knew this would be a long day. Was it still worth it? Maybe it was a waste of time to stand here in many hours and then fail totaly.   
But if he walked away he knew his mother would be sad. She realy wanted this, because she knew how much he wanted it. And he would be disapointed in himself because he realy wanted this.  
But he was still scared.


	3. Chapter 2

After many hours of waiting it was finaly his turn. They said his name, or the name she had, the girl he wasn't, and he could feel his heartbeat beat so fast and hard.   
\- Hannah Styles  
He took a deap breathe and walked towards the woman. She showed him the way to the stage and then she let him go by himself out on the stage. He had never ever felt to scarred in his entire life.   
Infront of him was the judges, and behind them the public. He let his eyes look out over the room and watched the people in the public.   
If he was nervous before - it was nothing of what he was at just this moment.  
\- Hey, and who are you?  
\- I'm Ha..Han...Harry!  
He was shocked. He had said Harry, not Hanna! He lost focus. Hanna, that wasn't him , ofc he had to say Harry...  
Okey, no Harry no! Focus on the song, not your name. FOCUS!  
One of the judges, Simon, looked at him. Harry had a feeling that he didn't liked Simon at all. But he didn't knew why.  
\- So what are you doing during the days?, Simon said and looked right into his eyes. It was scarry.  
\- I...I used to be a bakery. And now I'm studdying.  
\- I see.  
Simon looked down on his papers. Harry didn't knew if he was going to tell him to leave directly or just wanted to make him more nervous.  
\- What are you going to sing? he said still looking down on his papers.  
He was so chocked that he couldn't said anything first. After some seconds he took a deap breath and started to use his male-voice. It felt...wonderfull.  
\- Isn't she lovley with Stevie Wonder  
\- Okey, go on! Start when you feel ready.

He was quiet for some seconds, but then he opend his mouth and started to sing.  
\- Isn't she lovely  
Isn't she wonderful  
Isn't she precious  
Less than one minute old  
I never thought through love we'd be  
Making one as lovely as she  
But isn't she lovely made from love  
Isn't she pretty  
Truly the angel's best  
Boy, I'm so happy  
We have been heaven blessed  
I can't believe what God has done  
Through us he's given life to one  
But isn't she lovely made from love  
He stoped. He didn't knew what would happen now. Was they gonna say he couldn't sing and should go back to his normal life? Or would they say he was going to round 2?   
If he had been nervous before it was nothing compare to what he was now. He though he was going to die. He was sure this was the last seconds of his life.  
Sarah looked at him and it was her who started to say somethin.  
\- I realy love your voice. It is beautiful and I think you can be something. And I realy see potential how you can develop.  
\- I totaly agree with Sarah, said Simon confidently. You have the voice and if you realy want to you can develop a lot.  
\- I realy want to, said Harry.  
\- Good, so - now we vote, said Simon and looked at the other judjes.  
\- I vote yes, said Sarah.  
\- Me too, said another judje that Harry wans't sure what his name was.  
\- And I say yes too! three yeses. Congratulations.  
Harry smiled and was so near to start crying. He thanked them all so much and walked away with a huge smie. The first thing he saw was his mothers big smile, happy eyes and crying because she was so happy and proud. He was so happy that he had forgot that he had said Harry instead of Hannah.   
\- Oh, Hannah! She said, crying and smiling at the same time. I am so proud of you! You where great.  
She huged him hard and for a long time. He hugged her back and he felt so happy and realy proud of himself.  
\- Thanks mom.  
\- You where great, said his sister and huged him too. She was also so proud and happy for him. She smiled so big and he smiled back at her.   
Suddenly he rememberd what name he had said there ont he stage. He wasn't sure if his mom and sister had ignored it or just hadn't heard it because they where probably more nervous than he was. He smiled and tried to show his happy side that he still was in the competition. He tried realy hard, he couldn't mess this up now.  
After many huges and happy tears they where finally on their was back to the car. Harry realy wanted to ome home and rest. He needed that, after this long and tough day.   
But suddenly he saw a boy walking some meters infront of him. He was so cute and beautiful. The boys smiled at something and Harry had to look away so he wouldn't melt on the spot.   
He looked at the guy again just for a second. Suddenly the boy looked back at him. Harry just stood there for some more seconds just paralasied. The boy smiled at him and walked away into the building. Harry watched him the whole way until he couldn't see him anymore.   
He walked up from his toughts when his mom said his name, or her name.  
\- Hannah, what are you doing? Come now, we have to go home.  
He walked to the car and jumped into the backseat and they where on their way home again.

The whole way back home Harry just sat there totaly quiet and his thought was chaos. It went from the competition to his mom didn't react when she heard him saying Harry instead of Hanna, to the cute boy he met on his way to the car.   
He wonderd if he ever would be able to meet the boy again. Probably not, because it was so many people who had auditioned and even if he would go to round 2 it wouldn't be sure that Harry would see him again. And if he didn't got to round two it was totaly inpossible for him to see that boy again.   
If he only had knew his name.


End file.
